I'm Straight (Just Ask My Wife)

My friends will tell you that I have this knack for attracting straight guys; too often when out I'm the guy that gets asked what's good to drink or what the score is of some sports game or some other such thing. After the question is asked there is usually some sort of follow-up question, which leads to a conversation and voila, a new friend...and then things progress over the course of the night, the "May I sit here," and pointed personal questions and the attempt to make plans for some mysterious date in the near future. If it gets to this point, I usually enlist the help of one of my friends, though sometimes I just let it play out. Invariably I find that most of these guys like to talk, but can not seal the deal as it were. It gets annoying, to outsiders you seem either taken or enthralled, which sort of belies the point in trying to meet potential future husbands while out. I have dated 2 "once straight" men in my life, one while at university (he was a great guy, but not out to his family, which made things too awkward) and another half a decade ago (fun guy, but workaholic and confused about what priorities should be placed where); I can't deny that there's something interesting about dating this type of man, they can offer insight about the straight world that can be garnered nowhere else, plus there's the thrill of meeting the ex-wife, ex-girlfriend and ex-whatever else. I can sort of understand if a straight guy goes to a gay bar to meet men, I mean what are the chances that his wife or girlfriend is going to find out (we all know that her cosmetologist wants to fuck her man anyways, he's not going to let that secret slip in the event that some attention might slip his way); but what about the straight men that cruise openly, sometimes with significant other in tow? I've had the son of a regular at my place of work chat me up, offer to buy me drinks and try to arrange for a night out with me for about 5 years now; of course the son and his wife live out of our area, so what's the chance that she would find out? But when my staff ask me how well I know this guy and if he's always this openly aggressive about meeting up, it's bound to be noticed by my patrons (and his father?). There's another guy that I used to often see, he'd stop in on his way home from work for a bottle or two of wine, I've met his wife and young daughter, they're both very nice. He asked me out for a glass of wine one night, which led to a series of text messages for the next few months, usually stating that his wife was away or that he was going to Grand Rapids for business, did I want to meet for dinner and wine? I'd have understood if this was just a casual invite, like when my neighbor asks me over for wine and a game of cards, but when the guy in question wants to sit next to you in a booth as opposed to across from you, bumps his knee against yours and continues to nudge you or pointedly asks if he can come over after his wife goes to bed for the night, you have to read between the lines (though the bulge in his pants and the half open zipper may also be clues). There's a friend of my aunts who approaches me often when I see him, granted he's divorced, but I'm not sure how to read his actions, it's a case where I'm supposed to make the first move I think, though I'm truly not sure if he's in the closet or just lonely; following these "encounters" I'm often asked by others if he's available or if we're together or if I know that he has kids--to all the world it appears that he is initiating something, yet the blame as it were, may be mine. I got my hair cut this week and got cruised in the salon; he was attractive and married and a teacher, you might think I'm imagining things, but when another man stares at your crotch and your ass and then blushes profusely and drops his eyes when you stare back at him, I'm pretty sure that counts as cruising. In a salon. As he was waiting for his wife? I paid up and turned to bid my stylist farewell, he was back at it, another dropped head, ditto the red flush. With all this straight male attention I'm beginning to think I may have the answer to why I can't find any gay men to date--perhaps they all think I'm taken. I'd like to press the point sometime, I wonder what his soon to be ex-wife or girlfriend will think when her "oh-so-straight" man turns out anything but? Appearances may be deceiving, but your husband's hand in my front pocket can only mean one thing--get a clue...

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