I received a text message at 12.44 this morning which I'll paraphrase: Fuck Off!
What's done is done, and I'll leave it at that; the stream of thoughts that follows though?
I moved from the midwest to the pacific northwest; from the lands of humid-laced heat-laden summers and blistering-dry snow-to-your-eyeballs winters to a climate much more moderate, wet though it often is. I moved from a state which largely defines what it is by an industry long gone, its citizenry often choosing to focus on what once was to the contrary of what might be. I moved from a town with a population changed little by the years of my life; one family leaving as another sprouted in their place, a town that is pleasant in its familiarity yet infuriating for the same reason. Warning: we will accept you as one of our own, so long as you stay within our sight.
I came out of the closet a long time ago; I was 17 and still in high school and needed to get this thing off of my chest. I came out to myself a long time before that; I'd heard that it was just a phase, but having known forever by then I knew that statement not to be true. It was a climatic moment, tense and relief-inducing all the same. Warning: we know ourselves at the core better than any other being on this planet, we know very little about you.
I've been told time and time again that anywhere I've lived is too small, too backwards, too something. The Swedish blood that flows in me knows that this is not a challenge, more an attitude; my blood knows that this attitude is ripe for taming, smashing, repurposing. I see what can be there but is not, glimmers of hope reflected in the attitudes of others that share this gift or curse. Warning: to truly live is to always carry a naked broadsword: freedom of movement shares cuts on both sides, precision tires the stance and kills the momentum.
Committing thoughts to words is self serving. Committing images to illustration is self serving. Committing emotions to color or texture or colloquialism or attribute is self serving. Warning: what is thought about but never shared is always safe, the inverse also fruit will bear.
Everyone knows everyone. Nothing is sacred. This community is very small. I always assumed you were a bottom. Warning: any statement presented as fact may well be to the person presenting it; blanket truths smother all.